


Meaningless Existence

by Polarissruler



Category: Servamp (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Internal Monologue, Licht is dead, Madness, Suffering, yeah only that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2021-01-16 11:55:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21270635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Polarissruler/pseuds/Polarissruler
Summary: You said you would make the whole world cry with your music. Get out of your underground prison, because only I am crying now! Come out! Show me you can fulfill your promises!You aren’t listening to me, are you? No, you probably are in Heaven, look down with the other angels and laugh at the demon you swore to kill. Do you do that, Licht? Do you still remember me?Ah, if only I could sing my song again… If only…





	Meaningless Existence

_“And it is as if I have never lived,  
as if an evil dream is my own existence!”_

Atanas Dalchev – “A Tale” (Атанас Далчев – „Повест“)

* * *

My friend, is this all left of you? Only a stone that says nothing about your past and takes your future? I could crumble it with one hit – and then, no one will know of you! No one! Where is the meaning you put if life now? Where? Where?

Is it not funny? It must be funny! I have to be laughing off my ass now, too madly happy to even stand up! Even after all your promises, you die like this! Meaningless!

It is funny! It is so funny that I am bawling off my eyes, drowning your tombstone in tears! Why am I not laughing? Why? Tell me, stupid angel!

You said you would make the whole world cry with your music. Get out of your underground prison, because only I am crying now! Come out! Show me you can fulfill your promises!

You silenced the poison throbbing through my heard every day. You silenced the old ghost in my ear, you silenced the never-ending prophecy of fate. Get out! Play your music and silence them once again!

You aren’t listening to me, are you? No, you probably are in Heaven, look down with the other angels and laugh at the demon you swore to kill. Do you do that, Licht? Do you still remember me?

No! Why would you care about me anymore?

I want to destroy this thing! Slash it, smash it, break it into dust and throw it in the deepest pit of hell! You will not come back – you could never – but I would not be reminded of your failure every day, every single day for the rest of my life…

I would never have to protect a useless memento again…

I hate you! You taunt me even in your death, forcing me to cry and laugh and hate and love and desire and resent you! Come back to life, so I can kill you once again! Come back, please!

You could have done so much more! You could have lived! You could have drowned the world in tears! You could…

But you did not! Out, out, oh, brief candle! Life’s but a walk…

No, you win once again! I can’t curse you like that! Not you, not my Licht. I hope you are listening now from your fluffy cloud because I will say it once.

“Your life had meaning.”

Happy? I hope you are, because I hate you, hate you, hate you, hate you! Why did you thaw my heart, lair? I wish I never met you: I wish I stayed cold, broken and monstrous! I wish I lived every day, drowning in that silent poison, rather than suffer another loss again!

Give me some darkness: away! If only I stayed blind to the pains of this heart, blind and drowning in the same soulless madness of Hamlet and Macbeth! Where are you, old friend? How long will it take me to crawl back to you – because you will never come to me, emotionless apathy! If only I could have stayed a demon, dancing through the bloody dances of life!

I am not tired, Licht! Ah, but you are dead! Why I have to keep lying to this treacherous ghost? I am tired – look at me! Look at this barely walking mess; this pitiful vampire that cries by your grave like a human. Laugh! Laugh at me, Universe! Laugh at me, angel!

You are silent! Why are you silent, my angel? How can you leave me like that? How could you cure my pain, you deadly drug, and then go and die, leaving me addicted to something that did not exist? I am holding you accountable, do you hear that?

Goodnight, sweet prince,   
And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest!

No, you don’t need those angels! Your music is more than enough to put even God – if such a cruel God to kill you existed – to tears!

Goodbye, Licht! I am leaving you forever. This time, I am not coming back!

Ah, if only I could sing my song again… If only…

**Author's Note:**

> Poor Lawless - the person that helped him get over Ophelia's death now is dead, too. I know the other Servamps at least will try and help him - but sometimes, he will slip in the good old nihilistical hate...


End file.
